The Psychological Development Of Children & The Father`s Role In Their Life
Usually, fathers alienate their children, staying away from too much involvement in their lives from the emotional point of view. As a traditional male role is expected to be, the mother is the one getting involved in the child`s education, emotions and needs, the father being responsible with the financial and material needs of the family, sometimes getting involved under the form of an authoritarian parenting style in his child`s life. However, in what way is the psychological development of the children affected by the role adopted by the father?
To answer this question and guide the parents that want to offer their children a normal mental development, it`s required an in-depth look of the entire situation and explaining all the mental processes that occur during childhood and adolescence.
Table of Contents
A Look at the Common Role Played by Fathers in Their Children`s Education
The psychological development of all people is based on educational module found in their family. Despite this, fathers refuse to inform themselves, considering that their role is to provide an authoritative model. At the same time, they blame the mothers for the abnormal mental development of the child, not trying to understand that half a percentage of the weight of his education falls on their shoulders. Therefore, it`s easy to understand why a lot of young adults from our days have developed frustrations due to a wrong educational model during childhood which, in adulthood, it affects their life in various ways, a lot of them trying to avoid “the mistakes of their parents.” Here`s of what attitudes you should stay away from, if you don`t way to be such an example of father:
- An authoritarian educational style.
- Lack of involvement in the child`s or family`s life, in general.
- An emotionless attitude.
- Lack of communication with children.
- Lack of time spent exclusively between father and child.
- Adopting an education based on fear.
- Adopting a very firm attitude in the relationship with children.
Father – Mother
- Trying to fill the lack of maternal affection.
- Adopting a very emotional or permissive attitude toward his children.
- Trying to fill his absence or the one of the mother by buying expensive gifts.
- Trying to seduce their sons or daughters, being in permanent competition with the mother for their love.
- The “weekend” father, who is always busy to be a part of his family`s life, being present only when isn`t busy and trying to compensate by showing too much affection.
- Interfering with the mother`s education, being unhappy with it – dissatisfaction due to his own inner conflict caused by guilt.
You may also want to read Why Men Usually Want a Son, Not a Daughter?
Father and Daughters
An aspect that fathers don`t take into account is that, although your daughters has only a few years, she still has the basic characteristics of a woman. So, it`s no wonder that most fathers don`t even think that a girl has the constant need of sharing her thoughts. Often, from lack of knowledge and patience, fathers rush their daughters who want to talk with them, considering that their ideas are superficial and don`t deserve the time spent. Moreover, it`s understandable: how many men could discuss over and over about the favorite band of a teenager or about the new models of dresses that are worn this season? Still, girls need this and, more than that, they need to discuss about everything with their father, because this is what they understand by communication.
Advice! At least pretend to be interested in the topics of your daughter and don`t refuse to communicate with her, no matter how frivolous would the discussion be. You can really find out interesting things about her personality and desires, which will help you in the future. Also, you don`t create fear of rejection or you won`t transform her into a shy person in the presence of men.
Men think that their duty is often to make things right, but things aren`t really like this when women are concerned (the same category from which your daughter is). A lot of times, they only want to listen to them, to unburden without being in the look of a solution to their problem.
The common parental role requires a distant education from the child. Still, this may create your daughter a feeling of disinterest in her. If you don`t have enough time to get really involved in your daughter`s life, ensure her all the time that you love her and that your attitude is due to adverse circumstances and not a lack of interest.
Advice! Inform yourself regarding the problems of the new generation of teenagers and talk about them with your daughter. No matter how minor may these details seem, this way you`ll help her form a correct vision about life and understand that you are her friend.
Father and Sons
For fathers of boys, playing a parental role may seem much easier than in the case of fathers of daughters. But even in this situation, things aren`t so simple as they seem. While with girls you can deal easily with a problem by having a simple discussion or spent a few hours with them, boys need action, meaning more time and involvement.
By doing stuff with their fathers, boys “take” the emotions they need represented by attention, appreciation, help or admiration from their fathers. Fortunately, as a father of boy, you won`t have to talk too much and, therefore, to make an effort against your will, as it`s necessary in the case of girls. Still, the need of sons of performing various tasks, such as washing the car or doing homework, together with their father, it`s a must-covered need.
Advice! Don`t be to critic or tough with your son. Even if you have good intentions, you risk of exposing him to a vicious circle. Even worst, you may induce the feeling that he isn`t good for anything, which will affect him quite a lot during adulthood.
The masculine nature requires all actions to move toward a specific purpose. However, sometimes we may be wrong or the purpose may be impossible to be reached. In this case, the father needs to play a role of support, not a critic one. The phrase “I`ve told you so!” is one of the biggest mistakes that a parent can do, the only result obtained is a defensive attitude and rebellion from the child, especially if he is a boy.
“Being boss” is a dictum which shouldn`t be applied in education, even if a lot of times your little boy might not seem obedient in front of your decisions. In fact, this is also the reaction he should have. However, “being a friend” brings other results, a lot more practical and better for the mental development of the child.
How to Positively Participate in your Child`s Life?
Here`s a list of advices that may help you contribute a harmonious mental development of your child:
- Get involved in his education as much as possible, but without adopting an authoritarian education.
- Inform yourself regarding various methods of education you can use. In this regard, you`ll be able to find a lot of useful information online.
- Inconsistency in behavior don`t bring anything good. Therefore, it`s important to avoid as much as possible to do jumps of attitude or miss long periods of time from your child`s life.
- Although it may seem inappropriate for a father for him to play with his child, moments of play are very important until the preadolescent period and they might have a high share in the mental development of the child if they are done with their parents.
- Keep in mind that the family model that you`ll offer as an example to your child will be spread by further in life the way he`ll spend his life next to his own family. Therefore, it`s important that the model you`ll be offering to him to be a positive one, in which you pay attention to your wife and avoid any unnecessary tensions.
- Get involved in your child`s life even before he`s born, during the prenatal period, and be by his side during adulthood. There`s no “certain” age when you should start getting involved, contrary to popular belief.