Why Men Usually Want a Son, Not a Daughter?
We know that being a parent is the most important experience of life, the best source of self-consciousness, the real true fountain of joy and pride, the best proof of love between 2 people. We also know that being a father is the best proof of masculinity.
But, why so many men forget this aspect, wanting mostly sons and not daughters as well? Eventually, living the experience that paternity has to offer doesn`t resume to the child`s gender.
Certainly, the male psychology is complicated enough to not be able to be included in a few pages of a site. However, this time we`ll address this topic from a different perspective represented by the influence of the male unconscious in matter where at first glance may not seem connected.
Table of Contents
Reminiscent of Patriarchy
Do you live somehow with the idea that patriarchy is the oldest form of social government? Because if so, we are sorry to tell you that you are mistaken. This social system, in which men are the primary figure in anything related to organization, having authority over women or children, is relatively young, taking roots in our culture and mind only in XVI and XVII centuries. Until now, various societies on the planet were equal, matriarchal, and more rarely patriarchal.
In 1653, Sir Robert Filmer wrote his book, “Patriarchal.” In it, he defended the rights of kind, which came on a descendant line of Adam, the first man of our race, according to Christianity. This book created a true role which, along with church propaganda, led to the establishment of patriarchy in most Christian societies.
However, in the 19th century a lot of women have begun to ask themselves questions about this commonly accepted system. The most prominent figure of these times was Sarah Grimke, who started to doubt the ability of men to translate passages of the Bible that were related to gender roles, without them being subjected to cognitive bias. Elizabeth Cady Stanton was the one who founded a feminist movement in this direction when she published “The Woman`s Bible.” Slowly, this movement took shape, bringing us today in an egalitarian society.
However, men didn`t forget that once the world was theirs, so today they still try to keep the society under a patriarchal form. And the best method through which they can transmit their authority further is by having a son. In addition, the battle of sexes isn`t yet over, and both parts believe about itself that`s “the best.”
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A Change of Perception Regarding Men
For several hundreds of years, each generation of dads has transmitted increasingly less to their sons – not only less power, but also less wisdom. We now reached a point in which lots of fathers don`t even have a role in their children`s lives. And no one is able to find a solution for this disoriented masculinity of societies.
In addition, in the last 200 years, each generation of fathers had less authority than the previous one. The concept of fatherhood has drastically changed after Industrial Revolution, the economy dictating the fact that people should live their homes to work. In this case, men were the ones chosen, because they weren`t able to feed their newborns. A lot of them came home only during the night or at the end of the week.
As a result, masculinity started to be defined less by the domestic involvement and more by expressions like “ability of finance” or “family necessary resources.” Along with these changes, the entire stereotype of men changed – women had to find a husband to be sure they`ll have enough money to live, to protect them and to represent the authority figure in the family.
Thus, even today, the man is regarded as the one having the power, financially speaking, and the woman the one that depends on the man, finding herself on an inferior position. Although this stereotype isn`t true, it`s a consistent reason for men to want to have sons and not daughters.
A Gene Voice
The branch of psychology that fascinates modern science is evolutionary psychology. You may already know what it involves, but if you don`t: the nature has established a few archetypes in our mind, which are transmitted genetically from parents to children. And one of these archetypes is that our genes must survive, no matter what – archetype also materialized in the survival instinct of each of us.
According to this, our children inherit 50% of each parent`s genes. However, how could we better feel that this child will take our genes further, if he wouldn`t look as much like us? This is a pretty powerful reason for which mothers want daughters, and fathers sons.
If we are too look closer on those women who want sons and those fathers who want daughters, we`ll be able to easily notice that those persons are mostly identified with the stereotypes characteristic to the opposite sex. Therefore, an authority woman, who many would characterize her as being masculine, will sense that her genes were further been transmitted through a figure just as masculine as her, such as her son.
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A Consequence of Social Perspective
Let`s take a quick look at a few European stereotypes. The woman has often social problems or in her carrier, because in her country sex discrimination wasn`t eradicated. There are still specific jobs only for men and specific jobs only for women, toys only for boys and other toys specific only to girls, movies and sports only specific to women and others only specific to men, and a lot of other aspects that divide the world according to sexes. And, let`s be honest, in those parts of the world it doesn`t appear for something to change any time soon.
Looking from a different perspective, it`s obvious why dads want that their own child to be part of the category with most advantages, like men are. Even if we all want for this aspect not to exist, charging us with a lot of morality in speeches about equality, we all know that there`s a world of women and another one of men. And if they aren`t part of our environment, this doesn`t mean they aren`t a phenomenon of the modern world. And then, anyone of us wants for the little one to be privileged even from when he`s born, and not have to fight with windmills to obtain a result.
A Religious Thinking
As stated above, patriarchy was a consequence of the appearance of Christianity, in which the woman as considered inferior to the man and reduced to a simple machine of making babies and taking care of the husband. However, this isn`t the only aspect in which religion has an influence.
The figure of God is a masculine one. The one of his son is, also, a masculine figure. The apostles are also masculine figures. However, women appear as being sinful, as Maria Magdalena is, and being mothers, as Virgin Mary is as well. The idea of family transforms, through religion, in a stereotype, in which the ideal family is formed from father, son and mother.
And even if the father isn`t very religious, we shouldn`t forget that we are influenced through many other ways and which even if we don`t want, we adopt some of the ideas of others.
A Repair of the Past`s Mistakes
Modern myths of masculinity constantly addresses the relationship of fathers and sons to find connections between the pre-patriarchal and post-patriarchal society, between the old fear of strong father and the modern, loving and wise one. The pain and shame of the failed “father-and-son” relationship seems universal, as old movies that debate this topic shows and which put the relationships between women and men in the background.
“Father-and-son” myths drew a huge audience in the `70s – `80s: we were able to see men desperate to renew their relationship with their father, even if the fathers weren`t satisfied with the result of their children.
Of course, there`s also the idyllic “father-and-son” relationship, in which the man wants to relive it, at the same rates and intensity, with his son.