Until not long ago, researchers have studies mostly the relationship between the child and his mother. It seemed more natural to put in relation the child`s development with the way the mother and child build their interaction. However, it was identified the need to find out more about the influence of the attachment relationship between the father and child as well.
A successful father is the one who passed through all the educational stages right by side with his own child. A father is for the little one like a second mother, less present of course, but from which it`s expected the same manifestations of endorsements and affection, the same emotional exchanges through the little games and sometimes even care that the modern father should gladly offer.
As a general rule, fathers used to alienate their children, staying away from too much involvement in their lives from the motional point of view. As a traditional male role is expected to be, the mother is the one getting involved in the child`s education, emotions and needs, the father being responsible with the financial and material needs of the family, sometimes getting involved under the form of an authoritarian parenting style in his child`s life.
It`s obvious lately that fathers are increasingly take care of their children. The days when child development was considered only the mother`s duty have long passed.
Table of Contents
- 1 The Role of a Father in the Family
- 2 The Role of a Father in the Bible
- 3 Duties of a Father and Husband
- 4 How to Positively Participate in your Child`s Life?
The Role of a Father in the Family
The psychological development of all people is based on educational module found in their family. Despite this, fathers refuse to inform themselves, considering that their role is to provide an authoritative model. At the same time, they blame the mothers for the abnormal mental development of the child, not trying to understand that half a percentage of the weight of his education falls on their shoulders. Therefore, it`s easy to understand why a lot of young adults from our days have developed frustrations due to a wrong educational model during childhood which, in adulthood, it affects their life in various ways, a lot of them trying to avoid “the mistakes of their parents.” Here`s of what attitudes you should stay away from, if you don`t want to be such an example of a father:
- An authoritarian educational style.
- Lack of involvement in the child`s or family`s life, in general.
- An emotionless attitude.
- Lack of communication with children.
- Lack of time spent exclusively between father and child.
- Adopting an education based on fear.
- Adopting a very firm attitude in the relationship with children.
Father – Mother
- Trying to fill the lack of maternal affection.
- Adopting a very emotional or permissive attitude toward his children.
- Trying to fill his absence or the one of the mother by buying expensive gifts.
- Trying to seduce their sons or daughters, being in permanent competition with the mother for their love.
- The “weekend” father, who is always busy to be a part of his family`s life, being present only when isn`t busy and trying to compensate by showing too much affection.
- Interfering with the mother`s education, being unhappy with it – dissatisfaction due to his own inner conflict caused by guilt.
Father and Daughters
An aspect that fathers don`t take into account is that, although your daughters has only a few years, she still has the basic characteristics of a woman. So, it`s no wonder that most fathers don`t even think that a girl has the constant need of sharing her thoughts. Often, from lack of knowledge and patience, fathers rush their daughters who want to talk with them, considering that their ideas are superficial and don`t deserve the time spent. Moreover, it`s understandable: how many men could discuss over and over about the favorite band of a teenager or about the new models of dresses that are worn this season? Still, girls need this and, more than that, they need to discuss about everything with their father, because this is what they understand by communication.
Advice! At least pretend to be interested in the topics of your daughter and don`t refuse to communicate with her, no matter how frivolous would the discussion be. You can really find out interesting things about her personality and desires, which will help you in the future. Also, you don`t create fear of rejection or you won`t transform her into a shy person in the presence of men.
Men think that their duty is often to make things right, but things aren`t really like this when women are concerned (the same category from which your daughter is). A lot of times, they only want to listen to them, to unburden without being in the look of a solution to their problem.
The common parental role requires a distant education from the child. Still, this may create your daughter a feeling of disinterest in her. If you don`t have enough time to get really involved in your daughter`s life, ensure her all the time that you love her and that your attitude is due to adverse circumstances and not a lack of interest.
Advice! Inform yourself regarding the problems of the new generation of teenagers and talk about them with your daughter. No matter how minor may these details seem, this way you`ll help her form a correct vision about life and understand that you are her friend.
Father and Sons
For fathers of boys, playing a parental role may seem much easier than in the case of fathers of daughters. But even in this situation, things aren`t so simple as they seem. While with girls you can deal easily with a problem by having a simple discussion or spent a few hours with them, boys need action, meaning more time and involvement.
By doing stuff with their fathers, boys “take” the emotions they need represented by attention, appreciation, help or admiration from their fathers. Fortunately, as a father of boy, you won`t have to talk too much and, therefore, to make an effort against your will, as it`s necessary in the case of girls. Still, the need of sons of performing various tasks, such as washing the car or doing homework, together with their father, it`s a must-covered need.
Advice! Don`t be to critic or tough with your son. Even if you have good intentions, you risk of exposing him to a vicious circle. Even worst, you may induce the feeling that he isn`t good for anything, which will affect him quite a lot during adulthood.
The masculine nature requires all actions to move toward a specific purpose. However, sometimes we may be wrong or the purpose may be impossible to be reached. In this case, the father needs to play a role of support, not a critic one. The phrase “I`ve told you so!” is one of the biggest mistakes that a parent can do, the only result obtained is a defensive attitude and rebellion from the child, especially if he is a boy.
“Being boss” is a dictum which shouldn`t be applied in education, even if a lot of times your little boy might not seem obedient in front of your decisions. In fact, this is also the reaction he should have. However, “being a friend” brings other results, a lot more practical and better for the mental development of the child.
The Role of a Father in the Bible
Israelite history tells us that the father was very active in instructing his child in the words and ways of the Lord for their very own well-being and development. The training was created to make things clear to children the way of life. To commerce an early education of the child in this manner was of very much importance. – More here!
The Christian father was nothing more than an instrument in God`s hand. The entire discipline and instruction process needed to be as God commanded, so that His authority should have been brought into contact with the mind, conscience and heart of children immediately. The Christian father never presented himself as the ultimate authority in terms of duty or truth. According to the Bible, a father first and most important responsibility was to get his children acquainted with Scripture.
Duties of a Father and Husband
When a man starts a family with his bride, he has to commit to various responsibilities of honoring, cherishing and loving her. The vows that are shared include “for better or for worse, in sickness and in health.” No matter what life throws at you, you need to commit yourself to take care of your wife. When the fruit of your love is born, your responsibilities and duties will increase very rapidly, and you need to go with the flow, no questions asked. You cannot let the obstacles of life get in your way of having a healthy and happy family. When you start failing as a husband and father, you start compromising the future of your family. It`s a daily challenge to always stay focused, but in the end it`s worth it.
List of Responsibilities of a Father
- Always be there for your children.
- Stay focused on the positive things you speaking to them.
- Don`t forget to say the most important words as often as possible (I love you!).
- It`s no shame to show your emotions in front of your family.
- Stay focused on improving the relationship you have with your partner or wife.
- Remember to take time out from your job to spend some family time.
- Pay attention when your children are speaking to you.
- Always stay informed to you can teach your children about them.
- Your children need to be kept accountable for their words or actions, but no punishments.
- Don`t hind your phone from your family.
- You need to have at least one daily meal with your family.
- You should sometimes do wacky things in front of your children.
- Spend alone time with your child.
- Embrace physical exercises and get your children to join in.
- Take walks with your family without your car.
- Always admit when you are wrong.
- Keep in mind what you hated from your parents as a child and promise yourself to be different with your own child.
- Read bedtime stories to your children.
How to Positively Participate in your Child`s Life?
Here`s a list of advices that may help you contribute a harmonious mental development of your child:
- Get involved in his education as much as possible, but without adopting an authoritarian education.
- Inform yourself regarding various methods of education you can use. In this regard, you`ll be able to find a lot of useful information online.
- Inconsistency in behavior don`t bring anything good. Therefore, it`s important to avoid as much as possible to do jumps of attitude or miss long periods of time from your child`s life.
- Although it may seem inappropriate for a father for him to play with his child, moments of play are very important until the preadolescent period and they might have a high share in the mental development of the child if they are done with their parents.
- Keep in mind that the family model that you`ll offer as an example to your child will be spread by further in life the way he`ll spend his life next to his own family. Therefore, it`s important that the model you`ll be offering to him to be a positive one, in which you pay attention to your wife and avoid any unnecessary tensions.
- Get involved in your child`s life even before he`s born, during the prenatal period, and be by his side during adulthood. There`s no “certain” age when you should start getting involved, contrary to popular belief.